The Importance of Being Hungry

Is something wrong with me? Am I losing my sense of wonder and excitement about being here?

The past week or so, I have been losing my appetite for Indian foods, and I don’t know why. Chapattis, which are eaten with nearly every meal, usually number 4 or 5 on my plate. Lately, I only eat 2. Sometimes Shammi and I are making dinner, and I feel like I don’t even want to eat at all. The Indian mentality of eating everything on your plate and respecting the food is the only thing that is keeping the spoon moving to my mouth. Otherwise, I wouldn’t even be eating.

More than the unhealthiness that I have always associated with not being able to eat normally, I feel downright offensive sometimes. Shammi and I go to all the trouble of making delicious meals from scratch, and I feel like I am hurting his feelings when I only make 2 chapattis to go with dinner. Chapattis are the main part of the meal most of the time. Whatever is made besides them is supposed to just flavor the chapattis, and usually doesn’t provide significant nutrition on its own. What it does provide is adequate amounts of refined soybean oil used to cook the dish. While I am still getting a relatively low-fat diet, every main meal is much greasier than I am used to, so maybe that’s the reason for my diminished appetite.

Maybe I’m getting sick. Doubtful, because I feel great and am still working out and exercising like I normally do. I haven’t had so much as a runny nose since I got here.

Maybe I’m getting homesick. It’s possible, and I won’t deny that I miss home sometimes, but there are too many things here that I love for me to downright want to leave. I really don’t, I love being here.

What I’m really afraid of is that I’m reverting back to my American conditioning. I rarely get desserts or sweets here, everything is natural and unprocessed, and every food is cooked from scratch. This also means that everything is spicy, the food is rough and heavy, and there’s no convenience. I also feel like everything is starting to taste the same, and since everything is eaten with chapattis, that may not be so far off. Could it be possible that 21 years of American eating is finally starting to break through the excitement of eating new and interesting cuisine? Maybe my body is yearning for convenience and corn syrup so much that it’s activating a physical response whenever I see a pot of dal being prepared or a parantha being grilled.

I worry the most about how this is going to affect my projects at KLB. How can I continue to work on diet and nutrition when I can’t even maintain a healthy appetite? Hopefully this is all temporary and I’ll be back to my normal second and third helpings by next week.