Desperately Seeking Shikha

I mentioned before that it is common to read some English-language newspapers in the morning with Principal Ramdev. Picking up this morning’s copy of the Tribune, I noticed that it felt a little thicker than normal. Normal stories were found within: China hates the Dalai Lama, Australians hate Indians, the country loves cricket… business as usual. Then I turned the page to a section not normally found in the paper, the classifieds. Yet these were not normal classifieds. These were ads for marriages.

I wasn’t completely ignorant about Indian marriage practices before coming here, and I knew that many marriages were arrange. Most even turned out wonderfully. I’m not against arranged marriages at all. I was just so surprised to find that hundreds of men or their families posted in the news that they were looking for a bride. The front and back of three newspaper-sized pages was entirely devoted to men seeking women for marriage. It was something for which I was completely unprepared, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

The personals were arranged by caste, with some sections for special cases, like divorcees, foreign nationals, widowers and amputees. All of them listed the height and profession of the prospective groom. The funniest part was how oddly specific some of the ads became while at the same time being vague and mysterious. Here are some of the more amusing ones, taken verbatim from the paper. Only the contact information has been omitted (if any girls reading this really want it, however, I’d be happy to oblige). I couldn’t make these up if I wanted to:

MBA, 07-11-75, 9:55 P.M., Delhi MNC, 8 LPA, businessman family. Girl height should be 5’3”, Himachali girl, Delhi living only.
(Why 5’3”? What’s wrong with 5’4” and 5’2” that you find so utterly repulsive?)

Garg smart, handsome BE (Comp Sc.), employed MNC Malaysia. Handsome package. Business family. Seeks equally qualified bride.
(Good lucking finding a bride that’s equally qualified with another handsome package.)

Match for smart Garg boy 06.09.1981, 5’10”, B.Tech, working as Inspector, Central Excise and Custom, girl should be beautiful and permanent government employee.
(Sorry, our daughter is only gorgeous and a permanent government employee.)

Well-to-do parents seek exceptionally beautiful, smart, 5’5” plus, educated, homely match for USA citizen, Graduate, turbaned, teetotaler, non-trimmer, never married, handsome, well-settled, running own business. Girl’s merits main consideration.
(Am I the only one creeped out by this guy’s mom knowing that he doesn’t trim?)

Compatible Bride for unmarried Khari Advocate Chandigarh based, sound status, modern faculties.
(What kind of “faculties” are we talking about here?)

And the list goes on. There are hundreds, most with amusing little tidbits and cultural oddities which are prime material for my cross-cultural experience. I know that some of the things that weird me out by these ads are completely normal here. For example, “handsome package” refers to a good salary; government jobs here are highly desirable and very well-paying; and the non-trimmer is a Sikh, whose religion stipulates that one should never cut any hair off their body. Ignorance is the downfall of any world traveler.

Yet every once in awhile, it’s fun to step back into your comfort zone and have a short laugh about cultural differences. If you can’t laugh, then you’re taking things way too seriously.