Rhododendron Chutney

Before I left for India, I wrote a post titled “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the World,” in which I listed a few things that every traveler should do or have. I stand by it, but I would also like to add two things to the list of stuff to bring: a waterproof jacket and good hiking shoes, preferably waterproof as well.

You see, sometimes when you travel, you’ll make this crazy mountaineering friend named Atul whose job it is to look after you and make sure that you’re making your way around India safely, eating the right foods, engaging with the right people and generally having a good time. Sometimes, Atul will call you on a Saturday, when the weather is great, and ask if you are busy on Sunday. You will likely not have plans, as this is a rural town and you just got there three weeks ago, so you won’t have much of a social life. It is possible that Atul will suggest a short hike up a mountain to see a temple dedicated to a Hindu goddess and a beautiful pool and waterfall. If all of this happens, you will fully agree to it, because it probably will sound like a great idea.

Sometimes, you will make these plans to spend most of the next day outside, away from shelter, and the heavens will open up to take a piss on your beautiful, sunny mountainside. Sometimes it will continue to rain all through the night and into the next morning as you eat your breakfast. When this happens, logic will dictate that most people will cancel their day hike outside, especially since whatever hike you may be planning will probably take place on rocky surfaces that become especially slick when wet. You may have even had knee surgery less than a year ago, and may still be feeling some apprehension about engaging your new joint in strenuous, slippery activity for several hours. So given these hypothetical circumstances, you will decide that it is mostly likely that the day hike will at least be postponed.

Sometimes Atul will show up at your door at 10:30 anyway, asking if you are ready to go. He might bring his friend Paul, whose name isn’t actually Paul, but sounds enough like Paul to allow you to call him that. Paul will most likely speak perfect English, but being shy, he won’t speak much of it with you. Anywho, at this time, you’ll probably pack up some food in the house to take as lunch, and being the 3-hour journey uphill.

Uphill is almost certainly more of an uphill than you’ve ever done before. You are likely to find weakly marked trails, shifting rocks, sudden patches of deep mud and mountain goats as some of the many obstacles in your path. Of course, don’t forget that it will probably still be raining this whole time and you are traversing upward at between 20 and 40 degrees the whole time. Despite being anxious about your knee, you are liable to be in good shape and are going at what you consider to be a great pace, but the two crazy Indians will definitely still be pacing you. If the Fates really want to spit in your face, they will make sure that both of your companions smoke like dirty chimneys during the entire journey while climbing faster and more comfortably that you think is possible. Don’t worry, it won’t seem like their lungs can handle it, but they really can, so just go with it.

If you reach the top of the mountain, you will surely be greeted with a wonderful, if slightly rain-obscured view of all of Palampur, a Hindu temple and a peaceful pool of fresh water leading off to a small waterfall. It will be worth every step up, even in this weather. On the way down, you and your buddies will in all probability start looking for places to sit down and have lunch, but most of the out-of-the-way areas are already marked by feces, both human and animal. In fact, you will likely have to walk about 45 minutes out of the way to a gathering of wet rocks literally perched on the side of the mountain before Atul and Paul determine it’s a good spot to stop. You might disagree, given the relative ease by which one can slip off and fall to their untimely death, but again, shouldn’t you just go with the flow?

Paul and Atul may even decide to build a small fire while you eat. The wood will be very wet by this time, so you won’t think it’s likely. But maybe Paul will pull a water bottle filled with kerosene out of his backpack. That’ll get some flames going, and even if the wood doesn’t actually catch after an entire bottle, it’ll look pretty cool. Fire is usually quite fun, even if a runaway dash of lighter fluid causes the flames to eat at the seam on the bottom of your pants for a few seconds before you notice. Before you start the treacherous trek down the slippery slopes (excuse the annoying alliteration, it’s amazingly addicting), Paul and Atul might stop at a large tree with bright red flowers and start picking a few. It’s rhododendron, and it’s very pretty, but you may wonder why they’re picking so many. Atul may respond to your observations with, “We’re going to eat it, of course.” Apparantly, it’s very common in this area to make delicious chutney out of the leaves, mixed with some onion, chili powder and water, not much else. You may think this is awesome, especially if experiencing new food is one of your favorite parts of traveling. Doubtless you cannot wait to taste something prepared from something else that you have gathered yourself. Oh, and don’t be surprised if Paul removes his shoes and risks his life to climb the tree and get as many blossoms as possible. After that, you really can’t wait to try it.

Upon arriving back at your humble abode, you will probably prepare some chai for yourself and your compatriots to warm up while you rest your sore muscles and stiff knee. You will apt to be glad that you decided to go despite the lousy weather. But without a doubt, given all of the above to be true, you will be so grateful that you have a waterproof jacket and wonderful, waterproof hiking shoes. Without them, you would have been too miserably wet and cold to have any fun at all.