Miss Conventionality

Ummmmm…… Awkward. That kind of sums up the day.

The graduating seniors at KLB are leaving soon, so some of the underclassmen throw them a small party. I had heard about it last week, but I didn’t know what to expect. When I got to work, the canteen cook had produced and was still producing a plethora of what is now one of my favorite foods in India: bhatura. It’s risen dough, which automatically makes it delicious and unique compared to most Indian breads, which are flat. Small balls of it are pinched off, rolled, flattened then fried for only about 10 seconds before they are GBD: golden, brown and delicious. They reminded me of Hungarian langos, another one of my favorites. It was really amazing watching Bubba and his friend work. The two of them were like a fine-tuned machine, turning out one delicious pastry after another.

During this whole process, there was very loud music coming from inside another building. I went to investigate and found that one of the larger auditorium-style classrooms had been turned into a party room. The seniors were all dressed in some very fancy saris, as well as some of the teachers who motioned me to sit down next to them. The next hour or so was quite unusual.

First, the seniors had organized a guessing game to Indian music. Jitender explained to me that they were playing a song, and then the underclass students had to guess which teacher was best represented by that particular song. Each teacher came up to receive a gift when their song played. To me, it was nails on a blackboard. Indian music is just not appealing to Westerners, especially when it is turned up to ear-shattering decibels and accompanied by 50 Indian girls screaming their teachers’ names. To get an idea of the experience, go to an active construction yard populated by an additional 50 people fighting with rusty swords and bring ten screaming cats. Then bang your head against a piece of metal. Finished? Ok, now you have an idea.

After the game was dancing to the same music played louder and in shorter piece. I tried. It wasn’t pretty. I won’t go into detail.

To conclude the day’s ceremonies, a beauty pageant was held. I’m going on record saying that I don’t like beauty contests in the first place because they objectify both women and the men who judge them. Go see Little Miss Sunshine if you want to get really creeped out. Then to have one here, where sex appeal is frowned upon and girls are not supposed to show their ankle lest they want to be stoned (I’m exaggerating), just tops the limits of awkward turtle. None of the girls was really into it, and every time the photographer (yes, there was a photographer) took their picture, they stopped smiling. I don’t know why.

Don’t get me wrong, all of the girls were very beautiful and glamorous, and it was very tasteful, it’s just that this society and beauty pageants don’t seem to get along. I’m very confused about how they feel about body image here. On the one hand, all the women are very conservative in their dress and I haven’t seen cleavage since I got here. Men and women are not even allowed to touch each other in public. On the other hand, Bollywood actresses flaunt their perfect bodies in minimal clothing in advertisements and newspapers and they are idolized by the masses. Salmaan Kaan and Katrina Kaif are loved for their beauty and body, but you’ll never see anybody kiss in an Indian film. Now I find out that beauty contests are a much-beloved event in society. WTF, mate?

I still have a long way to go before I can figure out how this culture works. Until then, I’ll be staying away from dance clubs and pageants.